the hardest right decision.

in small group we are studying marriage. it feels like we were in premarital counseling yesterday.  and now, a year later we are examining our marriage again. it’s funny how different studying marriage is from in the inside. before we were married we examined concepts and expectations of marriage. now, it feels like there is actually flesh on the skeleton. and we get to examine it, for real this time.

how do you expect to make decisions together? who will be responsible for which chores? who will take care of finances and who will take the trash out? how will you serve one another? how will you serve others together? what does it mean to leave and cleave? how will you fold your socks and undies? and who will be doing that folding?

all these questions make me laugh now. kind of like I explained in this post, a lot in marriage just happens and it’s not clear quite how.

but recently (as in thursday night) we learned some hard lessons about something that didn’t just naturally happen for us—making decisions together. this is a process we are still practicing. and are far from perfecting. but thursday, was a bit of a milestone in the decision making department. one week before closing on our new home, we decided not to purchase it. i know, all of you real estate agents out there are probably gasping, “you terrible, horrible people!”

and we did/do feel terrible. and there were about one hundred thousand factors that played into this decision. and it felt like the hardest right decision we’d ever had to make. but, we made it. we shed some tears. and then ad took me to get thai food, which i have been craving around the clock.

as we sat there eating our thai we felt like we were in shock. and we recounted the good and bad of the decision process that led us to buy this home, and then not buy the home. we learned a lot about how we’ll make decisions in the future. and we learned a lot about being obedient to God even when it’s hard and has lots of repercussions.

these are the kinds of things it’s really hard to examine when you aren’t in the thick of it yet. i would like to read (and laugh at) the optimistic answers we once wrote in our “preparing for marriage” workbook about this stuff. and then compare them to what we’ve been writing in our “real marriage” workbook. but God is good. and His plans are not thwarted by our decisions, good or bad. loved reading this psalm this morning:

“let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him. for he spoke and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm. the Lord foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. but the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.” (psalm 33:8-11)


  1. oh man! it sounds like you guys have a lot going on. why did you guys decide not to buy it?

  2. (this house or that ... to buy or not to buy ... #first world problems)

    1. so true! and yet at the time they seem so big...


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