this is not home.

it's been hard to blog for the past week. first, because we've been up to our eyeballs with moving. and two, because after something like friday, it's hard to know what to say about anything. when i first heard the news i started bawling. then i pulled myself together enough to make two decisions: 1.) we are never having kids, and 2.) if we do have kids we are homeschooling them. period.

is it possible to respond reasonably to something so nonsensical? so horrific?

apparently, not for me.

i've seen a lot of people post this verse since friday, 

"i have told you these things so that you may have peace. in this world you may have trouble. 

but,

take heart.

i have overcome the world."

(john 16:33)

what are "those things" that He (Jesus) told them so that they could have peace in the midst of hardship?

that Jesus' death and resurrection brought hope. that we can experience resurrection too. and that our grief will be turned to joy. and that our hearts will rejoice again. and that God's spirit is always with us. 

that's why he said we could have peace.

that's why he said we could have peace despite, 

that's why instead of asking God, "why?" in situations like this, this response makes me more sense to me,

"thank you. thank you that this shatters your heart, even more than it shatters ours. that you saw this tragedy coming and that you gave your life to redeem it before it even happened. that you stamped defeat over it's darkness before it began. thank you for overcoming this world. because we can't. 

thank you that this is not it for us. 

thank you, that this is not home for us." 

this is how i find hope. 

how have you been making sense of it all? how has this tragedy affected you/your life?