water people, again!




these two water people were having enough of being trapped inland, so we decided to take a last minute trip to wilmington for the day this weekend.

when you grow up on the water you just get spoiled. or hopefully in our case, maybe just really really appreciative for being on the water. and you really miss it when you live smack dab in the middle of a state. we really needed that "a-ha" moment of,

"we actually do live near the ocean!!!!!!!"

so we hopped in the car sunday morning and were on the beach by the time it was getting real warm (just over two hours driving!). we ended up finding a stellar deal on a hotel nearby and decided to stay the night too and beach it again on monday. mini babymoon!



the beach was so beautiful...and that water!



downtown wilmington is down right charming. we headed to the riverfront for some sunset strolling and dinner.




we went from never having been to wilmington or wrightsville beach, to deciding to go every warm saturday from now until infinity... infinity being late november when baby comes and demands our attention on the weekends. and the weekdays. and we will love giving it our attention. but for now, we are doing our best to soak up the remaining "just us" time. and i have a feeling a lot of that time will be spent at this particular beach.

happy late memorial day! what did you spend your weekend doing?

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the truth about surprise pregnancies.

first, let me just get a few elephants out of the room:

no, we weren't trying to get pregnant.
yes, we were actively preventing.
no, this doesn't mean that we aren't out of our minds excited.
no, this doesn't mean that we think our child was an accident. God created it for peet's sake!

ok, phew. now that that's out of the way...


there are obviously some unique feelings and emotions that come along with a surprise pregnancy. particularly if it's your first. and particularly if you have only been married a year and a half and you happen to love it and selfishly want a lot more time just the two of you before having to take a second (and maybe even harder) lesson in dying to self.

we found out march 20, thirty minutes before a bunch of students were heading over to our home for small group. i was a bit "tardy," and feeling particularly nervous about it. adam got home from work, handed me the tests, and our conversation went like this,

"i don't think you are pregnant."
"me either."
[hug]
"do you need to pee?"
[chug a glass of water]
"yep, ok, be right back..."

every other test i'd ever taken was negative. so we were used to this routine. but this time my heart stopped when i realized that there was a second pink line. there was never a second pink line. a second pink line means, gulp,

"adam....it says...i, i, i aaaammm"...(as i start to wail).

i'll never forget how calm adam was in the moment. or how many times i went from fits of laughter straight into gushing tears and then back to laughter again. we were digesting all of the emotion of deciding to start trying and successfully getting pregnant in one fell swoop. i can't promise they were all tears of joy in that first moment. or if any of them were. mostly, they were tears of fear and laughs of "what the heck how did this happen????"

about fifteen minutes later we had to shut it all off and pretend like our lives hadn't just been rocked. after small group, i just remember collapsing with adam. and while there were a thousand thoughts and fears and emotions running through my head, the one i remember the most was this,

"wow, God. this was you."

and to realize that something that happens in your life was so clearly the work of God, is pretty humbling. and it made me realize that this is probably true even of the things i felt that i had been in control of.

while we were busy preventing, God was busy creating. and he had this time picked out for this kid long before we were saying "i do."

and so,

this surprise pregnancy really feels like the most intentional thing God has ever called us to do.



ps, what was finding out like for you? have you ever had a surprise baby? did you feel as emotionally bipolar as i did?



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letters i wrote, one.



before i could tell the world that i had a new little person dwelling inside of me, i wrote notes. notes to a little apple seed-plum sized baby. there are a lot of things you do to help wrap your mind around a surprise first baby. it sounds silly. it would have to me too, until i was the pregnant one.

and then suddenly all i wanted to do was start letting this child into my life. so i wrote notes. 

march 25, 2013:

everywhere we go, i feel like i have a little secret. and that secret is you. as little as you are (apple seed) i feel less lonely no matter where i go now. and sometimes i grin, because you are such a great secret. and knowing you're in there makes me giddy.

everything i have read says that when i’m pregnant i should never run so fast that i can’t talk. today i was running by myself, so i decided that i would have to talk to you. you know, to make sure i was running responsibly. because who else was there?

when i left for my run i slowed my pace way down from the norm. and every few minutes i’d just have a word or two with you. mostly reassuring you myself that we are going to be ok. that we are going to figure this out. and that you are going to show me grace because i’ll have no idea what i’m doing. and that i’ll show you grace when you cry your little guts out for no apparent reason. and that even though you were a surprise, you were the very best surprise i’ve ever gotten.

i think you pretty much agreed with everything i said.

and i felt a little crazy afterward. again, you’re an appleseed. but you’re my sweet little secret appleseed. so sometimes,

i talk to you while i run. 


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sei il nostro domani.



this phrase is italian. it means “you are our future.” until a couple months ago i thought our future consisted of being unko addo and aunty weese. i thought there was a trip to new zealand to visit adam’s loved ones and their bebes next march. i thought there was at least another 1-2 years left of total independence and selfish time together, just the two of us. i thought we were going to be allowed to plan and pick and have our own way.

but now, our future looks a little different.

tranne ora, sei il nostro domani.

you, you are our future now. it frightens me to even write these words. because honestly, i have no idea what they mean. i have no idea what it means to be responsible for growing a human life and then raising it. i have no idea what it means to be a mother and wife at the same time. i am already so afraid. so overwhelmed. and so in love.

i have to admit to you from the beginning: i never expected you to be a surprise. i never expected not to choose when i would become your mamma. i never expected that it would happen quite this early. but what i've realized is that no one really chooses when to become a mamma, or if they will. even if they think they do. and you are the answers to all of our prayers. especially those about timing; about when, where, how to start a family. God gave you to us in His perfect timing.

and so,

suddenly

we are so ready for you.











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dukie number three.




pj has always been the smartest kid in the family. i think we can all admit it. and this weekend we all got to admire not just his brains, but his hard work and discipline. getting into duke, and through four years here, was not easy. but of course, he made it look like it was. 

we are all so proud of you paul and excited to see you take on the next big challenge.  


(and for the record, this is the family's third duke diploma, so can we get a break for loving this team so dang much?? thanks.)

ps, here is a link to melinda gates' commencement adress from the ceremony. i thought it was fantastic, but especially the part about seeing other's humanity and looking for commonalities. It's totally worth the 18 minutes if you want to be inspired!



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on wife-dom, and super-humans.

when i decided to be a wife,

i never realized how good it was going to be. i couldn't have known without experiencing it.

but,

i also never thought that after being married a year and a half i would already be feeling like i could not possibly come up with another thing to make for dinner. i never thought that making and sticking to a budget would be hard. i never thought it would be so difficult to remember to pray for my husband every single day. i never thought that i would be craving more time with him, because we never get enough. i never thought that what people said about having to be intentional about making time for, you know, would be true. and that it wouldn't just happen everyday, all the time, entirely spontaneously. i never thought that i would think so much about what i would do if anything ever happened to adam. and that it would be a small, but constant, source of fear for me.

i never thought that i would look at other wives and wonder why everyone seems to do it so easily. and why i thought i'd be the world's best wife. and why it is harder than i thought to live up to my expectations, of myself.

you are probably wondering,

well what the heck did you think then?

and, i guess what it thought was,

(if i'm being honest)

that it would all come really easily to me.

and that i would feel totally successful in my role as wife. from day one, to year fifty.

and i'm learning that the more you love someone, and the more you want to serve them well, the more you'll be smacked in the face by the fact that you are human, and imperfect, and that you are not going to be able to do it flawlessly and effortlessly all the time. unless, you are a super-human. aaaand, i am not that.

i love adam. and i really love being his wife. and realizing what real wife-dom means.

just some thoughts.

what does real wife-dom look like for you? since we are being honest here...






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sand, yoga, and jello shots.

a lot of my time and nearly all of my creative energies lately have been focused on planning the last three days. during which we got to celebrate my best friend laura's upcoming matrimony! gosh i love this girl. and she happens to really love the beach. so twelve of us hit the road and headed to the obx for for some girlie time.

while it wasn't warm enough to be true beach weather (what is up this spring in nc??) we bundled up and got our footsies in the sand at least a couple times a day. the rest of our "outdoor time" was spent in the hot tub trying to stay warm...



one of these awesome ladies helped me put together little gift bags for everyone full of fun beachy treats. she actually handmade all the totes along with the darling headbands! um, yeah. she was the coolest ever.



i led the girls in morning yoga. which was followed up by everyone doing the the p90x ab ripper routine...ouch. and it wasn't even warm enough for bikinis after all that work on our abs.



included in the gift totes were materials for handmade bracelets. we all got a little confused in the process...but they turned out super cute!


before going out for tapas saturday night we had a little cocktail party. everyone brought their "lbd." because we are sooooo classy like that.


the night ended with dessert and showering laura with some fancy lingerie. oh, and jello shots. cosmo jello shots. remember, we're classy! don't we look it?

laura might be the easiest person in the world to shower with love. and all these women in her life might be the most awesome girls to spend a weekend with.

how was your weekend? any bachelorettes and/or jello shots involved?






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