a day in the life, lately.

-they recently changed the code to the ladies bathroom at work. this is a very mean trick to play on a woman who has to pee every 30 minutes and whose brain is getting fuzzier by the week. i think my record is three tries. i feel an embarrassing accident in my near future if i can’t get it down to one.

-today was the annual ice cream party at my office. win for the pregger!

-and on that note, adam and i have a receipt displayed on our fridge right now to remind me of the depths to which i recently stooped in this pregnant state. it’s from whole foods and there are two items: mint chocolate chip ice cream and justin’s peanut butter cups. it was just one of those days…we i needed both, ok? and that's all i needed. 

-i have officially hit the "no longer sleep well/at all" marker. not such a fun one. the good news, we are in the third trimester now!

-is it healthy to seriously miss one’s college days as much as i do? every time the duke students start flooding back and we get these gorgeous sunny but not so brutally hot (almost fall-like??) days…i just imagine walking across grounds on my way to old cabell with some para coffee in my hand. and then i realize i’m just driving to work. and i’m in durham not charlottesville. and i have no coffee. thanks for that slap, reality.

-i think when your sister has her first child while you are pregnant with your first—it creates an even deeper attachment to the new baby than an ordinary aunt-niece relationship. every time i hold little eden i feel this overwhelming flood of love for her. and her unborn cousin at the same time. it’s this little hint of what it will be like to hold my daughter in my arms in a few short months. and change her poopy diapers. i can’t keep myself away from richmond on the weekends. i mean…gah! is she not a doll and a half??

-we haven’t started on the nursery. i thought we'd for sure have it done by third trimester. but we are just procrastinating. for now, we just like to go sit in there, stare at baby clothes, and imagine how our lives will change. soon we'll actually get, say, a crib or something crazy. 

-we are heading home (washington state!) day after tomorrow and it’s taking everything in us not to pack up our bags and go wait at the airport for the remaining 48 hours. we are so ready for a vacation!!

what has your life looked like lately? oh, and happiest of hump days to you!


why i still believe in FAM.

** i ditto the disclaimer from this previous post. please refer to it before proceeding.**

ok, now that we are all comfy cozy with being real here:

when i went in for my first prenatal appointment at eight weeks, my nurse said, "so a year ago i sent you out of here with a prescription for bcp. what happened?"

"well, uhh, i never filled it...we chose to switch to a, uh, more, uh natural method." grin.

"i see. well, as you've discovered (ahem), that method isn't nearly as reliable."

hmm, thanks.

i was torn as to whether i should write this post and address the elephant on my blog. a little while ago i posted about why we chose to use the fertility awareness/natural family planning method of birth control. and here i am 27.5 weeks pregnant. so any believers i gained then, are probably suddenly skeptics again. that's you isn't it? it's ok.

when it comes to birth control i am a strong believer in choosing a method that seems best to you and your partner. so nothing i am posting is with the intent of trying to convince anyone to do things any way. but, for us, it's what felt right. and here are some reasons why i still believe in FAM:

first, i believe us getting pregnant was a small (or huge!) miracle.
second, this method is quite reliable (90%--higher if you use it most strictly) but obviously lower than your typical bcp (98%). so there's that.
third, we followed it with extreme precision and were as careful as we possibly could have been.
fourth, God (aka, creator of the universe, quite powerful) had a different plan.
five, when God has a different plan, his plan is the winning plan.

in any case, something bigger was at work here than our desires to conceive or prevent. the something bigger had a bigger plan. we are pretty dang confident that the "something bigger"'s plan always trumps ours. we are head over heels in love with this miracle of a child growing inside of me. only three months more till we meet her!

now, i will admit to this: after this sweet bambina is born, we plan to continue using FAM. we have talked through ways to go even above and beyond what is considered safe. because apparently we have a tendency to conceive against all odds...what a skill! but this is still the method that is most comfortable for us and most aligns with our priorities. so call us crazy, but that's where we stand. 

and that's all i have to say about that.

(but i am interested: has anyone else had other/similar experiences with natural family planning as we have? have you been able to use it successfully for a long time? do you still think we are crazy for having ever chosen this method?)


singleness of heart.

i was reading this week in jeremiah.

[confession, i am a solid two months behind in my bible-in-a-year reading. but as it turns out, i don’t mind so much because God keeps smacking me with things that i need that very day and hour. so clearly, i’m right where i need to be.]

anywho, we listened to this sermon sunday while driving back from richmond [where we spent the weekend gushing over the most precious little thing in our lives right now] and i was kind of like, “woah ad, i need to listen to this again. like, right now. and probably every day. for awhile.”  it was called “making room for the greater things”—just the title gets you right? anyways, you should probably listen to it here. if you want.

[this post isn’t getting anywhere fast is it?] back to jeremiah—i was reading there yesterday, after having listened to that crazy good sermon, and came to the 32nd chapter. toward the end there was this little phrase about God giving His people a “singleness of heart and action.” again i was like, “woah God, that’s what i want.” anyone else?

are there not about one-thousand things in this world that want our hearts? i mean, not things that just want to play with or tickle our hearts, but that seriously want to consume our hearts--and minds? that want our time? our money? our emotions?  if we aren't pretty intentional we can live our lives feeling like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off trying to find the magic path to perfection and happiness. while in reality, we are just running in circles with no heads. our lives can be so full, and still feel so not what we want them to feel like. am i right? doesn't the idea of having your mind and heart and actions and lives in ONE place sound pretty appealing? yes! me! pleeeeease!

[my hand is raised so high right now.]

is that even possible? i love jeremiah because God is constantly reminding his people of His faithfulness despite their unfaithfulness. and of the benefits of a life focused solely on Him, rather than clinging to every false security that comes their way. which they did A LOT. and so do i. and if you’re anything like me…

so this week, i am trying to practice singleness of heart—a heart for my heavenly Father. period. and i just have a feeling that other things in my life might feel much more peaceful. because they just won’t matter nearly as much. maybe i can be a chicken with my head still on this week. which is a good start.



so here's a story from our weekend:

saturday night we went to bed at 1:00 am. about an hour and a half later we were in our car headed up to richmond, va.  spontaneous middle of the night road trip anyone? extremely loud music and very strange middle of the night dance moves were the only things that kept us from passing out on the drive. that and adrenaline of knowing that  my sister was in labor with my sweet niece and i just wanted to be by her side as soon as i possibly could. you may think it’s weird, but my sister wanted me there for her birth. and i wanted to be there. this whole being pregnant with our firsts together thing has really bonded us in a special way. i had kind of ruled out the idea that i’d be able to, thinking eden would come during the week and i wouldn't be able to leave. but she came on a beautiful sunday morning at 10:52 am. what a peanut too! only 6lbs 11 oz. of pure preciousness. oh, her little lips and nose…i must contain myself.

i didn’t realize how quickly you could love a child so much. already i’m experiencing separation anxiety being back here in nc. it kind of freaks me out thinking about the amount of love that i feel for my sister's sweet baby girl already. because i am sure it’s only a small fraction of what i’m going to be feeling this november when we meet our little girl for the first time. i imagine i'll explode when that happens.

gosh, and have i mentioned how simply miraculous birth is? i was basically crying the whole time. it was just so stinking beautiful. to see two people working so hard and lovingly to bring their child into the world together…it was too much for this pregger’s emotions/hormones. not to mention seeing two people who are celebrating their 37th anniversary of marriage this week become grandparents and my amazing sister become a mom all in one fell swoop. oh, and did i mention i’m an AUNT now???

[cue mandatory photo dump].

meeting grandma and pappa j. 
just missing pj.
have i mentioned i love my niece?
do we look like we could do this? just say yes.
with her mommy and daddy.
the most beautiful mother!
ok, yeah i want one.
such a natural. :)

couldn't stop kissing her sweet little head!

hope your weekend had some awe-inspiring moments too. God is so good!


on parenting: which i know little to nothing about.

i have been doing a lot of preparation to bring this girlie into the world. i am actually really excited to give birth. and not all the intimidated about that part. (please, just let me run with my naivety ok? it's working for me). i am not sure there is anything i have or will ever do that will be more amazing that bringing a small human into the world with my body.

i've read a lot. i am taking an awesome class with adam. i have been eating well and keeping myself healthy.

it's partly because it's a big day that is fast approaching. but i think it's also because it is a bit more tangible and less intimidating than thinking about everything that comes after...you know the part where you actually have a baby. and take care of it. and raise it...

there are so many different parenting theories. heck, there are tons of theories just about how a baby should sleep. where's a mamma to start? sometimes i just think to myself, "just give me another book on childbirth! i can do that part!"

thankfully, i read two things that calmed me right down recently. one was by a doctor talking about different parenting styles. he said, something to the effect of,

you know, as a pediatrician, i'm not totally bought into any one parenting philosophy. i don't think there is any philosophy out there that has it all down. or that applies perfectly to every child. the only thing that concerns me is when parents don't think about parenting at all. when they are lazy and choose to not parent when they should. they don't think about whether they should be coddling a child with a skinned knee or teaching them toughness by not coddling--they just don't make an effort either way. rather than choosing which style of discipline to use, they just get lazy and don't make an effort to discipline their children at all. (total paraphrase but you get the gist.)

ok, so that's where my first sigh of relief came. i don't think we are in danger of this. i think our parenting style will evolve over time. i think it will depend on who this little girl is. and i think a lot of it will be trial and error. but i don't think that we will ever be apathetic parents. and i know that whatever philosophy we develop together will be grounded in our understanding of our heavenly father and his perfect parenting.

which leads me to the source of my second sigh of relief: "but blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. they will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. it does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. it has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." jeremiah 17:7-8

as i read this recently, i thought, i just want to plant this girl by the water. i want to help her establish roots that have an eternal source of nourishment. i don't want to force those roots. but i want to teach and lead her toward them. and then, i'll have to trust her heavenly Father to care for her the way He's always cared for me. so that in all those times when i am really not in control of what life brings her way (so basically always...) i can have confidence in where she is rooted.

oh thank goodness we are not her ultimate parents.

and thank goodness we get to be her parents.

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