Adam and I were best friends for a long time before we started dating. And, as ideal as that sounds, it wasn't always ideal. In fact, a lot of the time it was quite unideal. Basically, God just let Adam know that we were going to get married about five years before He let me know. And this made being just friends, well, complicated. For us and everyone around us. And it made the fact that we weren't really just friends painful at times.
There was a critical point in our friendship when I had left to study abroad in Italy and Adam was getting ready to move to New Zealand for an undetermined length of time, that we decided we needed to sever our communication. Talking everyday kept us both way too emotionally invested in a relationship that was not actually happening.
Last night as I was laying in bed feeling sick for the fourth day in a row, I had a flashback to one of the most vivid memories I have of that year we spent not talking. It's something I always think back to and laugh. Laugh at the way that God uses the smallest, simplest things to nudge our hearts.
One week in February, about 6 months into our "year of silence", I got a 48-hour bug. And boy it was a nasty little bug. And as I was laying in bed, sick sick sick as could be, my two besties/roommies were there bringing me water, strawberries, and hugs around the clock--taking excellent care of their ailing friend.
Yet, I remember thinking to myself, "I wish Adam was here in my tiny little bunked bed, just holding me. I think that would make me feel all better."
I had a word document that I kept during that year. I added to it anytime I missed Adam. It was titled "Adam miss.doc". And I filled it with notes to him that I knew he'd never read. It was just an outlet for when I needed to talk to him about something. This probably makes me sound ridiculous.
That night I opened up Adam miss.doc for the first time in months and wrote:
"This is going to sound weird, but I have been sick for the past two days, and it's really making me miss you. For some odd reason, out of everyone in the world, I think I wish you were here the most to take care of me. Maybe because I know that you would really, really care...I miss you, and as I'm lying here in bed sick as a dog, the best thought in the world is you lying here next to me."
Last night, this same thought went through my mind as I laid in bed sick--if only he were here lying next to me I think I'd feel better.
And then I remembered writing that note years ago.
And then I smiled (despite the nausea).
Because, he is here now.
And in 39 days, he will be lying right next to me.